what does it mean to be authentic?
one of the biggest topics plaguing the church today (& my first of many pieces about it)
“Are we going to choose to be authentic or choose to be like Christ? This is the most important choice we will make in our entire lives.”
Oooo. Yikes.
Did she really just say that?
I’m sitting in church today when a sister in the back row declares this at the end of our lesson
Half the room vehemently nods in agreement
Another woman pipes in,
“Yes! I’ve been thinking about that a lot actually and I wholeheartedly agree with what you said. I believe when we focus on Christ, our true, authentic selves come out.”
Even though her statement contradicts the first woman’s words, the entire room nods in agreement again
I hold my tongue
I hate this conversation
Even though I know they are speaking from the heart and their definitions of authenticity are clearly different than each other’s and mine, I feel angry because their words invalidate my life’s mission to help people connect with their most authentic selves
I should say something to clarify the definition of authentic, to let them know the people who want to be authentic aren’t trying to be evil and to tell them they just contradicted themselves
But class is out in two minutes and it’s my parents congregation
And I don’t want to throw down fire with people I’ve grown up with since I was 5 so
I’ll write a substack spreading awareness about it instead
Authenticity is one of the most misunderstood and villainized topics in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints today
Because of this, it is also one of the biggest points of tension members are facing today
I see this tension all the time in different families and local congregations
But it’s also something I’ve noticed the brethren face as well
In October 2024, Elder Soares and Elder Gong (ordained apostles in the Church of Jesus Christ) spoke back to back in General Conference, semi addressing the topic of authenticity and highlighting the tension I speak of
Although neither directly states “authenticity is bad” or “authenticity is good,” I invite you to read their words and ponder what you think each man personally feels about authenticity and what his definition/association of it is
Quote 1: Aligning Our Will to His, Elder Soares
“During our sojourn in mortality, we often wrestle with what we think we know, what we think is best, and what we assume works for us, as opposed to comprehending what Heavenly Father actually knows, what is eternally best, and what absolutely works for children within His plan. This great wrestle can become very complex, especially considering the prophecies contained in the scriptures for our day: “This know also, that in the last days … men shall be lovers of their own selves, … lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God.”
One sign that indicates fulfillment of this prophecy is the current growing trend in the world, adopted by so many, of people becoming consumed with themselves and constantly proclaiming, “No matter what, I live my own truth or I do what works for me.” As Paul the Apostle said, they “seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ’s.” This way of thinking is often justified as being “authentic” by those who indulge in self-centered pursuits, focus on personal preferences, or want to justify certain types of behavior that frequently don’t match God’s loving plan and His will for them. If we let our heart and mind embrace this way of thinking, we can create significant stumbling blocks for ourselves in acquiring the most priceless pearl that God has lovingly prepared for His children—eternal life.
While it is true that each of us travels an individualized discipleship journey on the covenant path, striving to keep our hearts and minds centered on Christ Jesus, we need to be careful and constantly vigilant to not be tempted to adopt this type of worldly philosophy in our life. Elder Quentin L. Cook said that “being sincerely Christlike is an even more important goal than being authentic.”
Quote 2: Holiness to the Lord in Everyday Life, Elder Gong
"Holiness to the Lord in everyday life looks like two faithful young adults, married for a year, sharing with authenticity and vulnerability gospel covenants, sacrifice, and service in their unfolding lives."
"Holiness to the Lord says yes to the sacred and reverent, yes to our becoming our freest, happiest, most authentic, best selves as we follow Him in faith."
Another quote from Elder Gong in a different address
“We are not meant to wander alone in existential uncertainty. We can commune with heaven, build faith and belonging in family and in the household and community of the Saints, and become our truest, freest, most authentic, joyful selves through willing and joyful obedience to God’s commandments.”
Now, if you read all those quotes, congrats
But if you didn’t, I can sum them up for you
Basically Elder Soares references people who indulge themselves in what they want instead of what God wants, often do so in the name of being authentic and living their truth
He ties that message in with a quote from another apostle that says “being Christlike is an even more important goal than being authentic”
On the other hand though, we have Elder Gong repeatedly emphasis the beauty of authenticity and that through Christ, we become our most authentic selves
Now based on those quotes, who do you think sees authenticity as a good thing?
Why does this matter?
This matters because we can infer that based on Elder Soares remarks, there will be people who hear his words and then think to themselves, “authenticity is bad; anyone who is trying to be their authentic selves, is not trying to be like Christ” and/or “my kid who is 22 fresh out of college and trying to ‘find themselves’ is going completely in the wrong direction and I need to steer them back to the light”
However, if we listen to the words of Elder Gong, it seems like authenticity is important and necessary in finding joy, becoming who God wants us to be and following Jesus Christ
So, who is right?
The reality is, both are “right” because they are touching on different truths of the gospel, however, the tension and the confusion stems from our definitions of authenticity and what we associate the term with
The reality is, many, MANY people in the older generation of the Church/in the world would be 1000% on board with Elder Soares talk and use his words to say authenticity and finding yourself is frivolous.
Just look at how some people 45 and older talk about young adults and youth today in their effort to build healthier relationships with themselves, go to therapy, set boundaries etc:
“What are you talking about finding yourself?! You’re right here! You don’t need to go find yourself, you just need to listen to what the church tells you to do and everything is going to work out!”
(This is a fictitious quote but it’s based on some of the attitudes and behaviors I’ve observed from older generations as I’ve worked with them in different capacities in the Church and outside the Church)
And the reality is, many people 35 and under, would resonate more with what Elder Gong is saying about intentionality, vulnerability and honest communication.
How do I know this?
Because I am part of that generation and I have worked with Gen Z in different church capacities throughout my life as well.
I pretty much felt like my entire job as a seminary teacher was mediating the value differences between the older generation of the Church (church admin/other seminary teachers) and my Gen Z students
During this time, I learned a lot about what both generations value. Because the majority of the Church locally and globally is currently led by people 45+ who operate very differently, I see a desperate need to understand and work with the younger generations.
I feel the young adults and youth of the Church are very misunderstood by these generation and vice versa. I feel one of my roles is to be a bridge in helping both parties understand each other. Hence the next part of this article - and honestly, the entire piece.
PS! I AM NOT AN ACADEMICALLY BACKED RESEARCHER/HISTORIAN however! Because of my deep love of people, career background and academic background based in working with people, I have observed a lot of trends. I haven’t conducted official research on the topics below and I am particularly referring to the groups of people I worked with in the Church in Utah - which is a very unique demographic of people.
I will say though, I have listened to the hearts and souls of thousands of people from around the world outside my seminary job and Utah, so when I make conclusions like - the majority of people are seeking authenticity/love etc, it’s from my real lived experiences with people and also from what God tells us about us as His children. Will happily survey and do official research at some point but for now, you have these thoughts <3 Carry on!
If you didn’t know, Gen Z was named the most safe generation a couple years ago
Many people 35 and under know what it means to define a person or group of people as safe.
Many people 45 and older have zero clue.1
This is because for many in Gen X or the Baby Boomer Generation, safety wasn’t and in many cases, still isn’t, one of their values.
Any talk of emotional or even physical safety was always associated with weakness. And many in those generations were taught not to show weakness.
For those who might be unsure what I mean when I say Gen Z is safe - the typical definition regards how you feel emotionally around another person.
When you feel safe with someone, it typically means you feel you can be yourself with them.
You don’t have to pretend or hide who you are. You can be your honest, true self. You can share your opinions and what you really think.
The reality is, one of Gen Z’s core values is transparency, which is directly tied to safety and self-expression.
Transparency is in direct opposition to many people in the Boomer and Gen X generation
Many people in those generations grew up feeling like they had to put their best foot forward and never show/acknowledge pain in order to survive.
This is where the tension is in the Church right now.
Gen Z will continue to revolutionize the world because of their unwillingness to put up with bull crap and people being fake.
They grew up in and on social media, being exposed to differently lifestyles and experiences from around the world.
They grew up having to be critical thinkers.
They also grew up with a new kind of isolation, anxiety and depression that the world had never seen before, largely due to advances in technology and what they saw on social media
The world as they’ve always known it is falling apart - from Gaza, to Trump, to uprisings in Bolivia to tense relations with China, to human trafficking; and being exposed to it all on Tik Tok live, they were never going to pretend things were okay because they know it’s not.
Because of this, they are extremely critical and suspicious of anything that seems too good to be true.
If Gen X was underexposed, Gen Z was overexposed.
On the flip side, they are desperate for truth and genuine connection.
They’ve accepted the reality that pain is everywhere, and because of that are almost forced to search for purpose somewhere.
Where Gen X and Boomers are hardening because they believe they’ve been jipped -things were never really what they seemed! My life is a lie/everyone else is a liar! Gen Z knows things were never as they seemed, as they were hardened to begin with.
But just like anything in life, there is a pendulum swing - this pain can’t be all there is! There has to be more than this despair! There has to be hope for these broken systems, these broken people!
Gen Z clings to this.
They want to know who they are and why they are here.
They want to be true to themselves.
They don’t want to be like other generations before them who pretended everything was okay. They know it’s not and they want to fix it.
They want to be authentic. And not only that, they have a deep abiding belief that being authentic will fix it.
Here’s the thing. I’m not shading the other generations. And I’m not necessarily disagreeing with them, and I’m definitely not disagreeing with Elder Soares or Elder Cook (love those guys!)
However, we need to honestly address and discuss this tension as members because it is causing a rift in our relationships with people we love, in the church we love
Are there people who sin and justify their sin in the name of being their true self? Yes.
Are there people who are selfishly putting their desires about the desires of God? Yes.
Are there people who state they are living their truth that is directly in conflict with God’s truth? Yes.
(In all actuality though, who isn’t doing that? Aren’t we all doing that as humans in some way or another?)
But are there also people who earnestly seeking to understand who they are and become their most authentic selves?
Are there people who are trying hard to be true to what they feel they are inside and live a beautiful life full of integrity?
Are there people who struggle in the pursuit of trying to follow God and trying to be their true selves and act pridefully instead?
YES.
And although those are good questions, those are not the question/(s) we need to focus on as members of the Church
The question is not “Am I being authentic or am I being Christlike?”
The question the majority of people are seeking, in and outside of the Church regarding identity is
“How can I be my most authentic and true self?”
That is the question
So, now what?
These are the synonyms to the word authentic
genuine
true
real
original
You’re telling me my sisters in Christ you think the whole purpose in life is to choose to be genuine and real versus being like Jesus????????????
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
No.
JESUS IS THE MOST AUTHENTIC GENUINE AND REAL PERSON WHO EVER LIVED ON THIS PLANET
In order to be like God, He had to be honest with himself and others! He had to be genuine! He had to be true!
There was no, “Well, am I going to choose to be like me today or am I going to choose to be like God?” thought in his mind
We cannot confuse the definition of authenticity with narcissism or selfishness because that is going to continue to cause generational rifts in the Church, in society and in our families because people are going to continually want to know who they are and have better relationships with themselves - especially with the ever increasing knowledge and research we are finding on emotional intelligence and human psychology!
WE ARE GOING TO CONTINUE TO TURN PEOPLE AWAY FROM THE CHURCH IF WE DO THIS, even people who are honest seekers of truth!
Being authentic, being real is THE WAY WE BECOME LIKE JESUS! It is the way we find truth!
AND TRUTH IS WHAT PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR!
Being authentic and being Christlike don’t have to oppose each other. In fact, they don’t.
However, it is us as members of the Church who get the definitions mixed up and assume that just because we see one person going off and sinning in the name of “being themselves,” the entire desire to understand, discover and have a relationship with oneself is inherently evil/wrong
The reality is
Being authentic is a part of being like Jesus
The other reality is
We have two parts of ourselves as humans
We all have the light of Christ in us and we all have literal divinity inside of us as spirit children of God.
We also all have an ego or as the scriptures often call it, “the natural man”
Every single one of us can choose to be true to the natural man part of us or the divinity in us
AUTHENTICITY IS NOT THE VILLAIN
FINDING YOURSELF IS NOT THE VILLAIN
LOVING YOURSELF IS NOT THE VILLAIN
LOVING OURSELVES IS INHERENT IN JESUS COMMAND TO LOVE OUR NEIGHBOR (and something that is supported and taught by modern day prophets and apostles!)
What is the villain is ourselves when we choose to succumb to our ego/pride/natural man part of us
Of course, we all do this and sometimes unintentionally so I’m not saying we are all out here being villainous HOWEVER
I will say continually choosing the natural man or our pride or our ego is harmful for our spirits and the spirits of those around us, regardless of whether we say what we are doing is in the name of authenticity or not
Choosing pride, choosing selfishness is not of God
And although it might SEEM like we are indulging ourelves in it - this will be fun! this is who i REALLY am! (me as i head off into my 48 hour rendezvous with italian poet man from nyc who made out with me and never spoke with me again XD), we’re really not choosing ourselves when we sin either
Our true selves, our most authentic selves, are our divine spirit selves
That is literally who we are
Our DNA is literally GODLY
Are we going to choose to be true our divine DNA or are we going to choose to be true to our natural man side?
We get to choose
We get to decide who we are going to be authentic to
We are all being true to different parts of ourselves in every part of our lives, we are all being true to something
But the thing God is asking us to do
And the thing He is promising us joy if we do
Is being authentic to our divine selves
Which is what I help people do2
And which is what we ALL should be doing, as members of the Church, but just as humans in general
Yes, that is my personal take
Some people who don’t believe in God don’t see authenticity that way
And that’s okay
But, really I’m just sharing what Jesus taught
My take is Jesus’ take
We can’t become like Him without being honest, real and genuine about who we are and what we are experiencing (this is doctrinal!)
And it is when we turn to Him, when we rely on Him and develop a relationship with Him that we become our most authentic, true, joyous selves
In conclusion!
People are desperately seeking to be their authentic selves.
This is one of the biggest concerns and needs and searches in the world today.
We cannot turn people away by telling them you have to choose to find yourself or choose to be like Jesus.
That’s literally the opposite of what Jesus wants for us.
Jesus wants us to know who we are because that’s how we gain confidence and that’s how we grow and become and create things
Jesus wants us to be authentic because that’s how He can shape us into who we are meant to become
Jesus wants us to be real because that’s how He can help us with our problems
Jesus wants us to be genuine because that’s how He can bless us
There is no authenticity v Jesus
JESUS IS AUTHENTICITY
JESUS IS THE EMBODIMENT OF TRANSPARENCY
JESUS IS THE EMBODIMENT OF TRUTH
JESUS IS THE EMBODIMENT OF BEING REAL
JESUS IS THE EMBODIMENT OF BEING SINCERE
We discover truth by genuinely seeking God with sincere questions
Idk if you can get more real than that
RE: Joseph Smith, going to the grove to pray and ask God which church he should join and then experiencing the First Vision?????????3 (depicted in the photo above)
I mean, he had to be real to do that
God and Jesus literally would not have appeared to him if he wasn’t being honest about his struggles, if he wasn’t seeking to be authentic
(One could even say, his main concern was even being authentic - he didn’t want to commit to a church he didn’t feel was true! He didn’t want to be inauthentic so much that he avoided joining any church/belief system because none of them felt aligned with himself/God. I’m sorry, but you can’t get more authentic and I’m on a journey to find myself than that)
Again, are there people currently in the world who in the name of self-love, self-improvement, finding themselves and authenticity, not living the truths of Jesus or the universal laws of God? Yes
Are there people who have different definitions of those things than what I’ve shared here today? Yes
Is desiring to develop a relationship with your true identity bad? NO
What is harmful is when we choose to judge other people for how they are going about their journey of discovering themselves.
What is harmful is not choosing to follow God.
HOWEVER, WE ARE ALL DOING THIS! WE ARE ALL STRUGGLING TO ALIGN OURSELVES WITH WHAT WE BELIEVE IS RIGHT AND GOOD/WHAT GOD WANTS US TO DO
We are all seeking to know who we really are
It is through Jesus Christ we discover who we really are
It is through God we find ourselves
It is through becoming like Them we have joy
Because we are living in our true identity as divine beings, as spirits, as children of God
This is who we really are
The question is not
Do you want to be like Christ or do you want to be authentic?
The question is, how can I be more like God?
It is through answering that question we become our most authentic, true and joy filled selves, I promise
I hope we all feel peace and find Him in our searching for ourselves
Hint hint: if we are genuinely seeking to find ourselves, we will
XOXO, Han <3
HELLO MY ANGELS
THANK YOU FOR READING THIS WAS A LONG BUT I HOPE IT WAS BENEFICIAL TO YOU I WILL BE TALKING ABOUT THIS UNTIL THE DAY I DIE AND YOU CAN BET YOUR LIL ANGEL HEINIES I WILL BE TALKING ABOUT THIS ON MY UPCOMING PODCAST, “THE HONEST HAN SHOW” DEBUTING IN JUNE - STAY TUNED FOR MORE DEETS ON THAT
PS THE JESUS ART IS BY IVAN GUADERRAMA, you can find him here!
XOXO
This is a broad generalization based on the experiences I’ve had working with people in this generation in the Church. This isn’t an analysis on every person in that generation alive. It’s just what I’ve observed. Also I could not find the surey/poll I learned that Gen Z was named that but UCLA did a recent survey last year on what Gen Z values, and their top values were - safety, having fun, self acceptance and kindness. These testify and other surveys as well, of the safety of Gen Z. You can find the UCLA survey here
Here’s a link to book a 1:1 spiritual guidance/faith coaching session with me! Would love to provide a space for you to connect with your authentic, divine self <3 First session is always free!
For those who don’t know, Joseph Smith was a boy in upstate New York who was confused about how to be clean from his sins and which church he should be a part of. When he was 14 in 1820, he went to pray about his questions and God and Jesus appeared to Him. They told him his sins were forgiven and that through him, the church of Jesus Christ would be restored to the earth. This is referred to as the First Vision in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and a HUGE part of what we believe in and LOVE. I believe he was a literally prophet of God sent to help us learn more divine truths about ourselves and why we are here that have LITERALLY CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER AND FOR THE BETTER! If you want to learn more, read the Book of Mormon or go to our website!
The work you do is so freakin’ important and I loved every moment of this post 💚💚💚
Lovely writing!!